To Love Means To Save
by Shadow Songstress
Summary: Allen is dying. He doesn't have much time left and he never heard Kanda say the three words he desperately wanted to hear. Now it's too late. He'll never hear his beloved samurai say "I love you" Yullen AU R&R


**First attempt at a tragedy for this fic! Please be gentle on me D: it's been nagging at me for a while now. **

**Warning: yaoi, OOC, character death, Yullen, disease**

**Leave a review at the end! **

**Disclaimer: I own only my plot! I do not own DGM in any way, shape, or form! **

**This is a oneshot!**

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><p>It's been a year since Allen finally mustered up enough courage to tell Kanda how he really felt. He was afraid of getting rejected by the stoic samurai. Instead Kanda surprised him by reciprocating his feelings. However it was too late.<p>

Allen is dying.

Born with a rare heart condition that gets deadlier the older Allen gets, everyone at the Black Order hospital wasn't expecting him to make it through his 19th birthday.

Now he was sneaking through the corridors to find Kanda's room to spend some private time with him.

"Kanda?" Allen poked his head in through the door.

"Moyashi? What are you doing here? You know you can't leave your room" Kanda scolded but let his little love slide in.

"I couldn't sleep" Allen muttered, burying his head in Kanda's chest and inhaling his scent.

When Kanda found out about Allen's condition, he annoyed Komui into allowing him a room so he can take care of his Moyashi. He hated having to beg, but if it was for his Allen, he'll do anything to make sure he is safe.

"Are you sure you should be out of bed?"

"Mmm...you're so warm" Allen snuggled closer.

Kanda wrapped his arms around Allen's waist and drew him closer for a kiss. Allen pressed himself against his love eagerly and sighed when Yuu pulled away.

"Sleep" Kanda said.

"Mmm..." Allen closed his eyes and started drifting off "Yuu..."

"Yes?"

"Stay with me..."

Kanda smiled and pressed a kiss to Allen's forehead "I'm here Moyashi, now sleep"

"Alright..."

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><p>-Three months later-<p>

"How is he?" Kanda asked a frowning Komui.

The Chinese doctor sighed and removed his glasses "His condition isn't looking great...physically he is fine, but Allen's heart can give out any day now. Soon he won't be able to breathe without the help of a respirator. Unless we can find a donor for a heart transplant...Allen won't make it..."

"How long does he have?"

Komui turned his head.

"Answer me!"

"I cannot say for sure...it depends on how strong Allen's will to live is"

Silence.

Kanda turned and walked out of the office as a saddened Komui watched on.

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><p>Rain poured from the skies as the heartbroken samurai walked through the emptying streets. People hurried on pass him holding umbrellas and newspapers to keep their heads dry. Kanda didn't care. He allowed himself to become soaked in rainwater. Nothing mattered to him now. Not when his Allen was going to die any day now. If only there was something. <em>Anything<em> he could do to extend Allen's life if for a little longer.

"Why God...why...why! WHY!" Kanda screamed.

He was so immersed in his grieving that the Japanese failed to see someone sneak up on him.

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><p>Allen was asleep in bed when noises woke him from his slumber. Getting out of bed weakly after putting on his shirt, the white-haired boy walked out to the hall and froze in his tracks.<p>

There, lying atop a stretcher, was his beloved Kanda.

"Yuu!" his voice was hoarse and raspy.

"Allen-kun, you shouldn't be here" Komui rushed over and tried to push Allen back inside his room.

"What happened?" Allen asked.

"Allen..."

"Tell me!"

Komui flinched but gave in "He's been stabbed badly...lost a lot of blood, if we don't operate on him, he won't make it through the night"

"Komui-san, please save Kanda!" Allen begged.

"I'll do my best Allen, now please return to your bed"

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><p>"We need more morphine!" a nurse cried.<p>

"He won't make it!"

Komui wiped his forehead "We _will _save him!"

"We can't save him without someone donating a kidney" another nurse said.

"Hush!"

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><p>Later that day Komui was in his office reviewing several documents when a soft knock was heard. The door opened to reveal Allen standing there with swollen eyes.<p>

He had been crying.

"Komui-san...I heard a nurse say Kanda won't make it unless he gets a kidney...is it true?"

Komui nodded in silence.

"Use mine!"

Now the Chinese doctor looked up "Allen..are you sure?...you might not be a match for him..."

"I had myself tested...and the results are in already...I match with Kanda...so please Komui use mine!"

"Allen I just received a report of someone willing to donate their heart. It's a family who recently lost their son, but they wanted to help the world and are donating organs, as per the son's wishes. If you get that you can live a healthier life, a _longer_ life with Kanda"

Allen shook his head "I don't want to live in a world without Yuu...so please use mine...even if I die"

"Allen..."

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><p>After a long and painful operation Komui pulled off his mask and smiled.<p>

"We did it!"

"He'll make it through" Miranda said with a smile.

Komui placed the scalpel down and turned around so the others couldn't see his face.

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><p>-Three days later-<p>

Kanda woke up to see Lenalee and Lavi by his bed, the two were crying tears of joy when he finally opened his eyes. They were so afraid he was never going to make it.

"Kanda! You're alive" Lavi cried.

"Of course I am stupid rabbit!" Kanda growled.

"Thank god"

He looked around the room and realized there was one face not there "Where is Allen?"

The room got silent.

"Where is he?"

"Kanda...he...Allen...in order to save your life...gave up one of his kidneys when he could've gotten a heart transplant that would've saved him"

That stupid beansprout!

"Where is he now?"

"We don't know...he's been missing for several hours"

Kanda jumped out of bed and rushed out the door.

If Allen was gone from the hospital then there's only one place he could've went.

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><p>Water lapped around Allen's feet as he pulled the blanket tighter around him. It was getting harder and harder for him to breathe and see, but he was content. Yuu was safe. It didn't matter if he wouldn't live on. As long as Yuu survived. That's all that mattered.<p>

"Yuu..." Allen picked up a smooth rock and held it in his hand.

"Allen!"

Allen turned around to find Kanda standing there with a furious look.

"Yuu..."

"You stupid! Why did you do it!" Kanda threw himself on the beansprout and held him close.

Allen smiled weakly "It's alright...anything for you..."

"You could've lived! You could've gotten a heart transplant! Why did you give me your kidney instead?"

"I know my time is up...as long...as you live then Yuu...it's worth it"

"Baka!"

"You're my BaKanda" Allen said.

Kanda pulled back to look Allen in the eyes "Don't leave me"

"There's a voice...it's...calling for me...Yuu..."

"No! Don't follow it! Don't leave me!"

Allen reached a trembling hand up to wipe away the tears accumulating on his lover's face "Yuu..smile for me...please"

Pushing aside the tears and swallowing hard, Kanda forced a pained smile on his lips.

Allen smiled and remembered the rock in his hand "Yuu..." he pointed to the ocean.

Kanda turned his head.

Using the last of his strength Allen threw the rock and watched it skip three time.

_I. Love. You_.

A smile ghosted across Allen's lips as he stared at the rock.

_Perfect... _he though as his final breath left his lungs in silence.

Then he closed his eyes for the final time.

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><p>Kanda watched as the rock skipped three times across the ocean.<p>

_I. Love. You_.

His beansprout did love him!

Wait.

He didn't know how he felt!

"Moyashi! I lo-" Kanda turned around to see Allen's limp body.

"Oi! This isn't a funny joke! Oi!" Kanda shook his love's body gently.

No response.

"Allen!"

Tears finally fell free from Kanda's eyes as he unleashed his sorrow, pain, and hurt. The sand became stained and wet with the tears of lament falling from a grieving samurai's eyes. His Moyashi died without knowing he loved him in return. Words that he never got a chance to say before. Now he'll never get the chance to say it.

Lowering his head and resting it on Allen's chest, Kanda pressed his lips against cold ones softly. Then he brushed the hair out of his love's face and lovingly traced a finger across the scar that adorned his left eye. He traced his lips across Allen's forehead and stopped by his ear.

He whispered five words softly.

"I love you too Allen..."

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><p><strong>AN: Review? Did it make you cry? It's my first attempt so I don't think I did a good job! D: Did it bring you tears or almost? Let me know!**


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